I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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