If that was your dad, he is hot
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
