I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
