ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
