When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
