Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
