I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
