Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
