i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
