I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
