nut hugger
That's intense
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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