The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
