should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
