I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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