I cannot find my penis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
