There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
