My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
