I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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