so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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