Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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