May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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