i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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