at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
