The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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