Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
