Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
