This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
