You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dear god my vagina.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
