so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
