at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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