I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is Oprah even human
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
