I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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