oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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