it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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