So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
