You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
