I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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