I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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