Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
