I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
