i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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