Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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