ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
smell my finger.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
