She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
