I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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