First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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