i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
