took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
