I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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