Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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