I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
