Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
