Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's get the cat blown out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
