Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
