At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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