I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i drank out of a bidet.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
